He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
