The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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