Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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