I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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