Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
