i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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