I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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