the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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