I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
