you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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