remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
