I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Mom said you looked used
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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