She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
