For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
