There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
