just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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