Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
