Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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