Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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