Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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