Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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