I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
