hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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