He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Never underestimate the power of titties
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
