she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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