i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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