apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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