I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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