I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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