just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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