and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do herpes really smell.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
