We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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