There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
