I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
