He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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