I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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