I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
