Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
