im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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