$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
