What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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