Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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