she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
