He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
