She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
