this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
