Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.