I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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