I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.