You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.