I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
