i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The power of my boobs compel you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
