I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.