The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.