if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts