U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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