Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
