wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
