Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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