we have officially lost it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
