if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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