You're my little dorito
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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