dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
