it hurts more in the daytime
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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