Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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