watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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