Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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