Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter