i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.