next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.