i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
