Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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