Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
