If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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