WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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