3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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