He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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