How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize