Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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