i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
