I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I cut my penus on the lid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
